Social Media Temptations: The Hidden Impact on Your Relationship and Faith
- fullfocuscoaching
- Jul 13, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Jul 13, 2024
Navigating Social Media and Relationships: A Reflection
It started as just an image, then a follow, and occasional likes. But now, I find myself pondering and asking where each decision leads me. What am I doing with this part of myself that sometimes doesn’t feel real because it’s not in real life? I’m not standing in front of the person, so it has to be simple and doesn’t really mean anything. However, I find myself questioning: What am I doing here, looking and liking again? For just a moment, I question the level of impact this is having on me, but it’s short-lived. I move on, like another photo tied to this person, and go about my day.
It’s not until a later conversation with a close friend that I find myself thinking about it again. I brush it off as nothing. We begin talking about relationships, and something stirs inside me: “I feel like something is missing.” I quickly regain my thoughts and carry on with the conversation. Yet, I find myself nudged again; something feels void, empty, and not right. I ask what’s real and what’s not. I find myself slipping away, thinking about this like, but I quickly realize it’s more than a like. There’s something there; I am getting something from this. I wonder, do they even notice me? Are they going to comment back or even start following me?
Then it hits me: this is more than just a like, a comment, a view, or sharing my thoughts. I am looking for a connection, a relationship of some sort, but you know, not like in person, a real one. Here’s the problem: what is being revealed is the intention of my heart. I am missing some connection, and as a result, I begin looking for an emotional connection that seems perfect. Obviously, this part is subconscious; our thoughts and feelings have not yet surfaced to be truly present about the reality state we are now in. We tell ourselves it’s not real; it’s just social media. However, if I truly take a look within, asking God—which normally doesn’t happen until we are caught, which we hope not to be, another reason why we act in ways that betray what we really want but not in obvious ways—social media is a perfect place to do it. We seek emotional connection and have the lies ready to support that it really isn’t that big of a deal. Like, it’s not a real relationship; I don’t even know them, they don’t know me. It can’t be real if it isn’t in person, right?
What is wrong with liking, commenting, viewing, etc.? You are armed and ready to go to battle in defense that you’re not wrong, but one thing’s missing: you did not include your spouse in the discussion. As a matter of fact, you didn’t ask him what he thought about you making those choices. For anyone reading this, that is manipulation at work. As a Christian couple, there are two relationships that are the most important: mine with God and my marriage. I am in one with Jesus Christ and also in one with my husband. As a wife, I must be examining everything I and we do. God has called us to be set apart, on a mission and purpose to serve Him, and out of our unified marriage, we must be submitting to the Lord daily in protecting against this world that tries to entrap us into just liking, commenting, viewing, or talking with others.
Casting Crowns' song “Slow Fade” reminds us that just one choice leads to another and then to another until we find ourselves in a place of emptiness, reminding us that we had surrendered ourselves to our personal desire to be needed, seen, and heard, which now affects our whole-being—spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Is it a real relationship or just on social media? Again, what is a relationship? What would this look like in person? Would I question the choice I am about to make? What if my spouse or friend were sitting right here? Would I go up to them, talk to them? I’m not sure. Is this really affecting me, this like, comment, following, or viewing? Is this a true relationship?
In 1 Corinthians 6:12, Paul says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything.” As Christians, we have this freedom in Christ. This isn’t necessarily bad, but is it beneficial? Are we being dominated by it? These are questions we can ask ourselves to help us look at it from a better perspective.
Social media is an ongoing conversation with others. We forget people are watching, and given the amount of information and connections we make, we slowly begin to lose sight of what our responses are telling us. Yeah, it's our life on display within a world we think our loved ones don’t know, can’t see, or are so misdirected they would never know how far one like, view, or comment will go.
Thinking about the verse above in what Paul is talking about, how do these connection points affect us? Let’s call them what they truly are because half of what women or men are looking at, doing life, etc., would not be the same if their spouse, friend, or loved one were in the space. What’s dominating right here in this space between this response and choice I just made? Paul asks us to question ourselves about the intent of our hearts. Would these be real-life actions or responses I would make if I thought no one would see or hear? We have begun to believe that it’s not a real thing. However, when a Christian asks the Holy Spirit to convict them, they might find that the choices and responses do have an effect on them. He begins revealing their thought patterns, feelings, and behavior. You see yourself now through the lens God is showing you, and you begin seeing the correlations in your relationship with Him. You are distant, not in the Word, withdrawn, not focused. Second, it impacts your personal relationships. There’s something there; you feel the same type of lines, barriers. You can’t see it because the choices you have made serve as blinders.
Now, as innocent as it seems and yes, not really unlawful in general, is this moving a person towards unlawful choices and responses in relation to God first, then my spouse, and then others? All these relationships must be considered because we are living beings taking on a different form that is drawing us away from the purest state God has for us—not perfect but in fullness and awareness of what’s good and best for us, directed and guided by the Holy Spirit and God’s Word.
The Sanctity of My Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ
Sanctification is defined as being set apart for God’s special use and purpose. This living being relationship and connection, which does take on form within and around us in the social media world, impacts my sanctity with God. Sanctity is closely related to holiness. Hebrews 10:10 states, “We have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “Present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.” Romans 6:19 notes, “Because believers have been set free from their slavery to sin, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and it's end, eternal life.” If we are living beings in a relationship with God, our connections, both physical and technological, mean our choices or responses on either side directly impact us.
Sanctification is the process through which the Holy Spirit works in all areas, revealing the production of either good or bad fruit, determined by God as pleasing or displeasing to Him. The relationship bears responsibilities on both our parts and God’s. Paul commands believers to work out their salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13). Our part is to turn away as He reveals and convicts our hearts; He does the working. This demonstrates our faith in Christ by obeying God’s command and His sovereignty over all (Galatians 5:16). The power of the Holy Spirit is key to the inward working over our hearts, minds, and souls.
The Sanctity of My Marriage
Sanctity of marriage, again from the direct definition, means to be set apart and made holy, foundational to the commitment between one another. “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5). If either man or woman makes choices, whether in person or online through social media, it affects not only themselves but also their oneness in relation with God and the Holy Spirit. It will directly impact what we do, who we connect with, what we say, see, and hear one each other.
As we consider the main reasons for this discussion, or in my case to speak up against the “Hidden Choices,” I see that goes beyond the basic like, comment, or view. The act of this sort is destroying our relationships with God, our marriage, and the body of Christ. Our sins will grow, separating and destroying us, our relationship with God, and our marriage. We build thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and worlds around this and have become blind to the real implications it has on us. We ask ourselves why do I follow, like, and comment on someone else’s photo ? What’s the purpose, my intent? What am I getting out of this that seems to be driving me to make the choice again and again ? What will I do in response to this effecting my personal relationship with God, who I am and in my marriage? It goes unseen until we become aware of the totality of what has happened and find ourselves wondering how we got here.
What Can We Do?
Pray: Ask God to open our eyes, revealing our heart's intentions and the roots. Take it to God. Your Heavenly Father will begin to reveal the hidden secrets of your heart, bringing them to the forefront. If you are married, ask your spouse to pray and start talking about the reality of what you see or feel. I guarantee your spouse will be in agreement.
Repentance: Recognize the connection between your mind and your soul. Confess your sins and ask the Holy Spirit to show you the way forward. Ask for forgiveness, and God will forgive you.
Accountability: First and foremost, your spouse is the most important person in accountability. This isn’t about controlling or limiting choices. It’s about living a life that represents God first, then our relationship with each other. God knew what he was doing when He brought us together. This will bring healing, restoration, peace, and unity to your marriage and set an example for others, especially children.
Guarding Your Heart: Take time to evaluate and make decisions based on God’s Word. Seek His wisdom and guidance on what actions and steps to take next.
About the Author
Emma Martin is the VP, Co-founder, and Director of Life & Mental Health Coaches at Full Range Foundation. She specializes in moral injury and wartime trauma. Emma's educational background includes a BS in Religion with a minor in Ministries and Ethics from Liberty University. She is currently pursuing her credentials for the International Coaching Federation (ICF) by completing the CCE (Center for Coaching Excellence): Essential Coach Training Program.
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